I feel as though walls are closing in around me.
With entertainment and decor jobs drying up.
Loans and bills flooding in as a tidal wave.
My dad's latest betrayal of my step-mom.
My mother's constant worry and nagging about returning to school and finding a "real" job.
The enemy's attempt to corrupt God's revelation of my sin. Flaunting it in m face trying to hide the grace that Christ has taken the sin upon Himself.
And the feeling of uselessness that constantly haunts me.
It is not worry or anxiety.
It is different. As I wrote yesterday it is a darkness.
And so I retreat into the Light.
Psa 119:105 Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.
As I feel useless I go to the most useful book in all of creation.
2Ti 3:16-17 All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, (17) that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work.
Over the next few weeks I will embark deeply into the Word of God for the nourishment of my soul.
I ask you prayers as I read through His Word. I pray for the strength and discipline not to be distracted by trivial notions. I pray that I only take time for fellowship, teaching and sharing that which God shows me.
Thank you for your prayers.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
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