Friday, September 16, 2005

Dating Advice

A friend of mine at Southern Seminary posted this and I thought it deserved to be spread to more people. You can find the original post at Selah.
I write this in light of the extraordinary number of relationships related posts I have recently seen. I figure that I can take a moment away from theological posts (don't worry, it'll be in here) and write upon things from the perspective of the great hordes of single men out there--hopefully soli deo gloria. So women, this post is for you.If a guy asks you out on a date (probably to get coffee, of which you may have had more coffee in this past week with guys you don't really know than you would ever want), consider that a great honor. This man is willing to sacrifice of his time (at least a few hours) to get to know YOU better. He could have done a number of other things with his time, including, 1) homework, 2)work and earn some money, 3)hang out with his guy friends, 4)exercise, 5)go buy himself a new rifle. But he is willing to go out and most likely spend money on you.Most likely when he asks his speech is not going to be eloquent--rather, he may sound like Porky Pig studdering over every other word that proceeds from his mouth. Don't hold that against him; that is merely anxiety over the enormous task of what can seem like walking into a lion's den with nothing more than a leotard between him and the lion (it sometimes seems to men, usually fallaciously, that women are just prowling around waiting to bite your head off). If nothing else, understand that if you say 'no' or if the relationship ends up not working out, our boy here is going to be at the least a little crushed--and who knows how long he may have liked you and gotten up the nerve to ask you on one 3 hour date.I know of guys who are quite afraid to ask women on dates. These are men of whom the world is not worthy--men who love God, bear the fruit of the Spirit, will love their wives more and more everyday until they die... and who aren't that bad looking. Who knows when it could be one of these godly men who is asking you for one date. Men like this are quite rare. I'm going to be frank right now and say that you are probably not worthy of him--after all, you are a sinner who deserves hell, saved by grace alone (though I must make clear that this is a two-sided coin, this man is also a wretched sinner saved by grace, and so he is not worthy of you either--humility is a quality that is needed on both sides here). A man who will treat you like a queen is not what you deserve.If you have homework/work to do, or whatever else you have to do, then do that and let him know. But don't just make excuses (guys may be slow, but we can still see through excuses). Let him know that you would be willing to do something with him at a later time. And also, most guys are pretty flexible with when you could do stuff together. They'll make time in their schedules for you. So when they ask you when you'd like to do something, don't think that they are being passive, rather, they're probably being kind (a quality worth looking for).Now, if you really think the guy is that bad and you really dislike him that much, then gently just say 'no,' when you are asked. I'm also not suggesting that you just give anyone a chance. If you are in hearty disagreement with a man over issues you see as important (i.e. theology, life philosophy, etc), then it probably would be better to just say 'no.' Also, I'm not suggesting that you go out with the 'hanger-outer boys', who without a doubt will ask you out--but I'd imagine that they are quite easily identifiable. I'm not suggesting that you go on a date with just anybody who asks you out, but if the man seems nice, genuine, godly (this is addressed primarily to Christian women), respectful, sweet (i.e. opens the doors for you, speaks kindly, asks how your day went), and you don't think he's drop-dead ugly, then give him at least one date--who knows, you may just find the diamond in the rough.

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